


Let There Be Many Next Times

by chicago_ruth



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Domesticity, M/M, Missing Scene, Sad Ending, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-12 13:48:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11738340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chicago_ruth/pseuds/chicago_ruth
Summary: Julius likes this fractured dimension. There's no Elle, no Bisley, no Kresnik. Just him and Ludger, living a quiet life together.A look into the world that Julius creates in his final moments.





	Let There Be Many Next Times

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rose Argent (roseargent)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseargent/gifts).



> I think I took some liberties with how the fractured dimensions work, and I definitely took liberties with canon scenarios. I really enjoyed writing this and rekindling my love for these two, so thank you, Rose Argent, for your lovely prompts. Hope you enjoy!

There is no train. There is no Elle. There is no Bisley.

There is no Kresnik.

That's what makes this world wonderful. It's an illusion, a dream, a fervent wish. But Julius will live out this dream just for a taste of what he wants.

It can't last. It never lasts. But for now, he will pretend.

* * *

It takes Julius a little while to realize something is wrong. He makes breakfast for himself and Ludger. He feeds Rollo. He sits at the table and eats. He reads the paper.

It's a normal day. He doesn't check his watch. The TV news program has the current time listed at the bottom, and the microwave displays the early morning hour. There's no need to check his watch.

The alarm in Ludger's room goes off, and then Julius hears the usual morning sounds. Ludger is not a morning person and has never been a morning person. It should annoy Julius, who is always awake an hour earlier, but he only finds it charming.

"I'm late!" Ludger says, more to himself than to Julius, as he rushes to the bathroom. The sound of the toilet flushing, the shower running, and after that's done, the electric razor. The razor is Julius's. He's offered to buy one for Ludger, but Ludger said he didn't need one, he’s fine with a traditional razor. (And, of course, he can just use Julius's.)

Julius keeps his gaze averted when Ludger rushes from the bathroom with only a towel around his waist. That's still normal. That's the usual pattern. Ludger runs from the bathroom wearing almost nothing; Julius needs to look away or risk revealing too much.

"Have you seen my tie?" Ludger shouts from his bedroom.

"Did you check on the floor?" Julius responds, unable to keep the humor out of his voice. 

Five minutes later, Ludger reappears in uniform, his tie hanging crookedly around his neck. "Is there food?"

"Eggs on toast." Julius holds up the container with the food. He knows Ludger well enough not to expect Ludger to have time to join him for breakfast.

Ludger closes the distance between him and takes the container. "Thanks." He leans down and gives Julius a brief hug, and then he's out the door, off to his job as a chef.

The hug is new. Not that they've never hugged – when Ludger was young, there were hugs almost daily – but never as a casual, "see you later" type of gesture. It's nice though, and Julius enjoys the sensation, the lingering warmth of his brother's embrace.

* * *

Work is work. Julius talks to the researchers and helps them test their training program. He oversees a new recruit's entrance exam, and goes over the reports his subordinates deliver.

It's easy.

That's the second hint, but Julius chooses to ignore that one as well. He prefers the easy job over the one that blackens his hands and makes his heart ache.

* * *

Julius opens the door to the smell of pizza. Ludger is sprawled on the couch, watching TV. 

"Hey," Ludger says, smiling at Julius. "Welcome home."

A wave of contentment washes over Julius. There is nothing he enjoys more than seeing Ludger smiling for him. His eyes wander though, beyond Ludger's smile, to his slim waist, to the strip of skin where his pajama shirt has ridden up. Ludger's waistband might be a little lower than it should, drawing Julius's gaze and sending his thoughts skittering in the wrong direction.

Julius forces himself to look away. "It smells good in here, like always. How much longer until it's done?"

"Twenty minutes? I only just put the pizza in the oven."

Julius changes into his own pajamas and joins Ludger on the couch. "How was your day? Any interesting customers?"

"Somebody complained that the tomato soup was too tomato-y. And my prep cook disappeared after his break, so we had a mini crisis trying to find a replacement."

"Disappeared?"

"Yeah, I dunno. The manager was furious. The prep cook probably needs to find a new job." Ludger shifts up on the couch and lays his head across Julius's lap. He takes one of Julius's hands into his own and starts tracing the lines.

It tickles slightly, but more than that, it's a gentle gesture that leaves Julius confused. He likes it when Ludger touches him, but twice in one day is unusual. He reminds himself that it means nothing, that it's simply Ludger showing his affection as a brother.

"What about you?" Ludger asks. Julius needs to stop and reorient his thoughts before he can place what Ludger is asking.

"It was fine. I did a lot of paperwork. After a while all the reports blend together." Julius keeps his hand relaxed and breathes slowly, hoping his body won't reveal how much he's enjoying Ludger's attention. It's a simple touch, nothing more. 

"Maybe you should get a more active job," Ludger says. "The job boards near the station get updated all the time. You could probably make it work as a bounty hunter."

"I'd rather have something—"

"—more stable," Ludger finishes with him, and then he snorts a soft laugh.

Have they had this argument before? Julius doesn't remember. His job usually is active. He furrows his brow and tries to remember the last time he went out on the field, and he can't. His past days blur together a bit. He's a manager: he tells others to do the dangerous work while he oversees their progress. He trains and keeps fit, but he hasn't had to face off against a monster in a long time.

The oven beeps, signaling that the pizza is done.

Ludger presses a kiss to the palm of Julius's hand.

Julius's heart stutters.

Ludger gets up to pull the pizza out of the oven.

Julius stares at his hand, trying to figure out what the kiss meant. Brothers don't kiss each other like that. No matter how much Julius has always wished it, no matter how many of his late night fantasies involve Ludger kissing him. Julius has vowed to protect Ludger no matter what, and that includes protecting Ludger from Julius's desires.

"You coming to eat?" Ludger asks, drawing Julius out of his thoughts.

"Y-yeah." 

Pizza Margherita, with large slices of tomatoes layered on top of the cheese. Julius sits at his spot at the table and waits for the slice to cool. The palm of his hand burns hot.

Rollo jumps on the table, and Ludger chastises him and sets him down on the floor. Undeterred, Rollo jumps back up, only for Ludger to again remove him. After several repetitions of this, Rollo finally figures out that the pizza isn't for him. He settles for rubbing up against Julius's leg, hoping that Julius will be nicer to him than Ludger.

"You need to stop letting him sit on the table," Ludger says. "He has bad manners."

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. But he's so adorable." Julius leans down and pets Rollo, but Ludger's stern look prevents him from sneaking a piece of pizza crust to him. "Sorry, buddy. Looks like Ludger doesn't want you to get treats."

"That's why he's fat." 

Julius catches Ludger smiling at him though, and that eases some of the confusion he's feeling. They chat about Rollo and some mutual acquaintances and the news coming in from Rieze Maxia. This is familiar enough that Julius can continue ignoring his suspicions.

* * *

They do the dishes. Julius goes to his room and settles in to read a book. It's a mystery novel that he thinks he might have read before, but he can't remember how it ends. He just has a sense of déjà vu, retreading the same scenes that he's already witnessed before.

He purposefully doesn't think about the kiss to his hand. He tries not to imagine Ludger's soft lips. He doesn't want to be so pathetic as to jerk off with that hand simply because of a gesture so small, so insignificant—

"Good, you're still up," Ludger says, barging in. 

"Ever heard of knocking?" Julius asks, but even here he can't be mad. He sits up and leans against the wall. His heart pounds faster, and he keeps his gaze fixed on Ludger.

Ludger approaches slowly, a slight smile on his face. He sits down on the bed and places his hands on Julius's thighs. "I missed you today."

All the hints that Julius ignored flash into the forefront of his mind.

In retrospect, it's obvious. Julius looks at his hand, the one that Ludger kissed. The one that is clean and soft, that should have been black and unmoving. This world is a fracture of reality, a world where Julius has received his deepest wish.

A world where Ludger loves him, not just as a brother.

How long does Julius have before this world is erased? How long before the real Ludger appears and sees the truth of Julius's heart? How long until Julius sees disgust and hatred on his brother's face?

Let it be a little while. Let Julius enjoy this false reality.

Julius smiles widely at Ludger and spreads his legs a bit. "I missed you too. Come here."

It must be familiar to Ludger, in a way it isn't yet to Julius. Ludger straddles Julius's hips and rests his arms on Julius's shoulders, then leans down for a kiss. A real kiss, a passionate kiss. A kiss that has haunted Julius's dreams for as long as he can remember.

Julius grips Ludger tightly and twines their tongues together. He tries to memorize the taste of Ludger. He breathes in deeply to absorb Ludger's scent. Ludger has always smelled good, but it's novel to be allowed to smell him up close like this.

He wonders how long this relationship has gone on for Ludger, how many kisses they've already shared. If Julius stays in this dimension long enough, he might recover the memories he is missing. They'll supersede the memories of the prime dimension. 

Julius looks forward to that moment.

They continue to kiss for a while, until Ludger's erection presses insistently against Julius's body. Julius takes a chance and moves his hand lower to cup Ludger's cock through his pants, and he's gratified by Ludger’s groan. He slips his hand past the waistband of Ludger's pants, and that's his first time holding his brother's cock, the first time feeling the pulse of Ludger's arousal.

It's everything and more than anything Julius ever dared to dream.

"What do you want?" he asks, terrified of getting something wrong and having Ludger leave. There are so many things he wants to do. He wants to kiss every inch of his body. He wants to worship his brother, this person who saved him from a bleak, useless existence. He wants to apologize for his sins with love and pleasure, and impress upon Ludger's skin the depth of his devotion.

"I want you inside me," Ludger answers, his voice soft and breathy. It's almost enough to make Julius come right then and there.

He separates from Ludger so they can remove their clothes. Maybe next time Julius will take his time and carefully strip the clothes from Ludger's body, but he wants this too much right now. 

The last time Julius saw Ludger naked must have been several years ago. They'd taken a trip to a hot spring in the countryside. Ludger was younger then, in that awkward age between boy and man, and Julius had studiously not looked. 

He looks now. He drinks his fill, lets his eyes linger on every plane and curve of Ludger's body. His nipples are a dusky brown, one slightly larger than the other. There's only a slight suggestion of hair on his stomach, but it darkens and gets coarser further down, until there's a thick, dark gray trail leading to his cock. Julius gives in to temptation and buries his nose there, breathes in the scent of his brother's arousal.

Ludger grips Julius’s hair, but he doesn’t push. He must know that Julius likes to take his time.

Julius turns his head lightly and licks the tip of Ludger’s cock. He enjoys the quiver he feels in Ludger’s thighs, and the light pulsing in Ludger’s cock. He swirls his tongue, and Ludger, quiet Ludger, moans.

“Don’t tease,” Ludger says in a whisper, though he still keeps his grip on Julius’s hair light. 

The hushed tone makes Julius wonder if Ludger’s embarrassed or if he just naturally keeps his voice low during sex. He’ll have to find out later. 

He kisses Ludger’s cock and then finally, finally takes it into his mouth. The taste, the weight of it, almost overwhelms him. He has wanted to do this for so many years, and he has to breathe slowly to be able to fully appreciate that this is reality, for now. He hums lightly and loves the choked groan he hears in response, the way Ludger’s fingers tighten just slightly in his hair.

Once he thinks he can control himself – Julius had to reach down and grip his cock tightly to calm himself down – he goes at it in earnest, sucking, licking, lavishing attention on Ludger in a way that still feels unreal.

“Stop!” Ludger says suddenly, “I’m gonna—”

As much as Julius would love to taste Ludger, he does stop, because he isn’t sure how far he can push yet, how the fractured Julius would have reacted to Ludger’s words. He pushes up to embrace Ludger, needing to stay connected to him, and is so glad that his kiss is met only with eagerness.

Ludger holds him tight, seeming to sense some of Julius’s desperation, and gently strokes Julius’s back. The kiss changes from passionate to gentle, with their cocks rubbing against each other, tiny shocks of pleasure running up Julius’s back.

“Everything okay?” Ludger asks after a while.

Julius smiles, letting all the happiness bubbling beneath the surface show, hiding that small bit of trepidation. “Yes. I love you so much, Ludger. You know that, right?”

Strange, that this one confession makes Ludger blush and duck his head. “I know. I love you too.” He kisses Julius lightly, then grinds his hip against Julius. “More, now?”

Julius chuckles. “Yes. More.”

They rearrange so that Julius is on his back and Ludger above him, and Julius uses unsteady, gel-coated hands to stretch Ludger. Ludger relaxes into it easily, making soft noises of pleasure every time Julius moves his fingers in any way.

Julius could probably play like this for hours, absorbing all of Ludger’s reactions, but finally Ludger pushes his hand away and aligns himself above Julius’s achingly hard cock.

As much as Julius wants to watch, he knows he’d never last if he did. He closes his eyes and grunts at the first hint of warmth around his cock. Even without watching, it’s almost too much. He stuffs a hand into his mouth and bites down to distract himself, until Ludger has sunk down all the way to the hilt.

“Julius. Julius, look at me. Please?”

And how can Julius say no to that? He opens his eyes and see Ludger smiling down at him. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Ludger asks.

Julius has the sense to huff a small laugh. “I should be asking you that.” He grips Ludger’s hips and experimentally pushes up, and is delighted by the way Ludger’s face contorts into pleasure.

The find a rhythm after that, Ludger meeting his thrusts and squeezing around him. It’s overwhelming, and Julius wants it to last forever, but he’s too overjoyed to keep control of himself.

He pulls Ludger down into a kiss just as he feels orgasm overtake him. Ludger grunts and reaches down to jerk himself, which makes Julius wish he still had the coordination to do it for him. Next time.

There will be a next time, Julius tells himself. 

He’s almost startled by the hot splash of come on his chest, and he grunts when Ludger collapses on top of him. Julius brings his arms up to embrace his brother and hold him close.

Please, let there be a lot of next times.

* * *

The days blend together. Julius has never been so happy in his life. He wakes Ludger with kisses and falls asleep holding Ludger in his arms.

They take a trip out to Drellin for the weekend, and with the anonymity provided them by being in a foreign city, they walk through the streets holding hands, nobody aware that they’re related.

“We could move to Rieze Maxia,” Ludger suggests as they’re eating dinner. The food isn’t anywhere near as good as Ludger’s, but it’s not bad either. “Start over completely.”

“It’s a thought.” It takes longer and longer, these days, to remember why going too far from Trigleph is a bad idea. It’s always a stab to his chest when he remembers that this isn’t real, that the dimension they live in is only a fracture of the real thing. Julius is afraid to discover the edges of this world, and so he clings to the only important part of it.

Julius remembers their first kiss. Ludger initiated it, shortly after he’d started working as a chef at the train station. Casual. An accident, almost, when Julius was leaning close in order to steal a taste from the food on the stove, and Ludger turned to admonish him. Their lips brushed, leaving Julius frozen. Then Ludger pushed forward and kissed him for real, and after that whatever misgivings Julius had slipped away.

It’s a nice memory of an event that never happened. Julius treasures it.

“We could start a restaurant,” Ludger continues, and he spins a tale of their life on Rieze Maxia, told in his usual short, quiet sentences.

When he’s finished, he looks at Julius expectantly. 

“I think… I think, that no matter what happens, as long as we’re together I’ll be happy,” Julius finally responds. He chuckles at Ludger’s blush.

They go back to their hotel room after that.

* * *

One morning, Ludger comes back shortly after leaving for work.

“You forget something?” Julius asks. Only when he looks up from his paper, Ludger isn’t looking at him with a smile or a frantic expression. There is nothing but sadness in his eyes.

 _What happened_ , is on the tip of his tongue.

Then Julius remembers. 

He slips his hand into his pocket and finds the watch. He hasn’t thought about it in weeks. In months. Maybe in a year. It’s been sitting there, always near him, waiting for this day. 

He stands and faces Ludger. Ludger’s eyes are hidden beneath his bangs, and his shoulders are tensed.

Julius pulls the watch out and holds it out to Ludger. “Oh. Don’t worry about it.”

With a snap, Ludger raises his head, eyes filled with tears, and he shakes his head. “No. Please, isn’t there another way?”

“If you’re here, it’s already too late.” Julius shakes the watch a bit, but Ludger makes no move to take it. Finally, Julius takes hold of Ludger’s hand and presses the watch into his palm.

“I don’t regret our time together. You gave me purpose. You gave me life. Thank you, Ludger. And I’m sorry it’s come to this.”

If Julius had to pick a death, it wouldn’t be this one. He wants to die quietly, after spending another twenty or thirty or forty years with Ludger.

This is an acceptable alternative. As long as Ludger’s is the last face he sees, it’s all right.

“I would have liked to have seen your smile one last time,” Julius whispers, just as pain blooms inside his chest.

It’s agony, a sharp blade sliding past his ribcage and into his heart, but it’s tempered by the warm arms embracing him.

Just before his eyes close, he feels lips press against his own, and he thinks he hears, “I love you.”


End file.
